Two and half years ago my husband and two small sons moved to a new town while I was pregnant with our third child. We’d been living in a two bedroom duplex that we loved for 10 years and I never felt a strong need for more space. We had everything we needed, and more.

We chose to move for a myriad of reasons, but something I was really looking forward to with the new house was the promise of more space. We needed it with an impending third kid, right? No upstairs neighbors or Airbnb guests to worry about my boisterous kids waking. A yard for them to play in, over the double size of our current yard! A finished-ish basement, meaning 1 1/2-ish floors of living space! A brick street! (My personal childhood dream since I adored the brick street my grandparents lived on) Not to mention a sizeable detached lot to come up with our wildest dreams! Did I mention we have a beautiful river view? Natural light abounds! Something that meant a lot to me, as our first floor flat in the duplex had next to no natural light, a big thumbs down for those postpartum blues. And that’s just the material – we also were blessed with the world’s loveliest neighbors. We were welcomed with plates of fresh baked cookies, something it seemed only happened in movies of lost days gone by. We’d only lived in this house for 3 months when our third child was born, but our neighbors generosity wasn’t based on seniority – we were treated with homemade dinners and more warm treats.

We had everything we needed, and more! What more could a girl want?

Well, it turns out to be quite a lot:
More space Two kids under 4 and a little tiny baby that takes up hardly any space and sleeps all day is a lot different then three full blown kids with their own burgeoning personalities.
More land  Despite the over and acre with gorgeous views and ample space to create, we were also looking for more space to do more things.
More kids to play with Remember all those lovely neighbors who welcomed us with open arms and generosity? We were instead focusing on the lack of children around for our kids to play with.

The pervasive mentality (that our family is not immune from) is “if you can, you should.” Leveling up is better, always. Though as I’ve struggled with this grappling  for more/better/perfect it’s only led to disappointment and confusion. It’s caused decisions to be based on what should be, rather than from our values and working from where we currently are, with gratitude.

They say wherever you go, there you are. Our move was no different. We had vowed to not move any items when we moved if we did not know exactly where they’d go.
Two and a half years later, things still aren’t fully set up and there’s many items with no “home.” We’ve been caught by ifs and wants and waiting: if we get x repair done on the house then we can make y anesthetic or organizational upgrade, and have z result and be happier. So I continue to buy organizational bins on an all too regular basis, and parenting books in the hopes that I can buy my way to a cleaner house, better behaved kids, etc.,  but we cannot buy our way to better versions of ourselves or better virtue.

Though I’m against magic bullets and secret sauces, gratitude works wonders. Things won’t make me a better wife/mom/business owner. Being grateful for the people, opportunities, and things currently in my life is in my control. Gratitude leads to care and attention, which leads to growth and decisions informed by values instead of an ever-rising bar.

We have everything we need and more, can you believe it?!